The Gays vs. The Grammys.

27 01 2014

A friend from New York City posted the following status update this morning, “If only people would have as much courage to stand up to their enemies as vigorously as they try to rip apart their allies.” My feelings toward the social media commentary (from a particular segment of the population), regarding last night’s Grammy Awards, had been perfectly captured.

Ah, award shows. A time-honored tradition that I had pretty much written off once the music industry segued from recognizing the innovative in favor of the commercial (that’s an article for another day). With that said, I had very little interest in any aspect of the 2014 Grammy Awards until I came across a blurb about a scheduled performance of Macklemore’s marriage equality anthem, “Same Love.” The rendition was also set to feature the track’s collaborators, Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert, as well as Madonna and Queen Latifah (the latter would be the officiant during a mass wedding ceremony to take place during the performance).

Color me intrigued. The social and political ramifications following a live broadcast of over 30 couples (both heterosexual and homosexual) exchanging vows during a performance of an immensely successful and mainstream pop single were too tempting to ignore. I elected to rely on various social media feeds to recap the show and then tune in once the performance in question was about to begin.

Lorde

Lorde

My Facebook news feed is mainly comprised of the opinions and rantings of gay men that I’ve met over the years. Some I have known for over a decade. Others I have met in passing, once or twice. The one thing that we all have in common is that we are part of a community that has, unquestionably, been subjected to harassment, insults, inequality, and disparaging comments for as long as memory serves.

We are also more than just casually aware of the rising epidemic of teenage suicide due to an increase in both the brutality involved with bullying and new methods with which to do it… namely, social media.

After having my visual senses assaulted by a flood of vicious commentary aimed at various performers at last night’s ceremony, I am suggesting that some of these acquaintances in the gay community look up the word “hypocrisy” in the dictionary.

A large segment of last night’s cyber-vitriol was hurled towards the physical appearance of 17-year-old, Lorde. The New Zealand native is one of the indie-pop scene’s newest darlings and has even earned the praise of David Bowie (note to haters: all of her talent aside, just garnering the approval of Ziggy Stardust makes her better than you). I would like to reiterate the fact that she is a 17-year-old girl. A 17-year-old girl with a penchant for the arts. I would actually be critical if she was NOT taking the liberty of being creative with her wardrobe and makeup to express herself. What I found interesting about the abuse directed at Lorde was that it made me question how much, if any, of that would be aimed at the likes of Lady Gaga if she walked out onstage in a similar look.

Further insults flew in the direction of older musical legends like Willie Nelson, Yoko Ono, Paul McCartney, and Carole King. Again, all based on physical appearances. I suppose this can be chalked up to the ignorance that many 20-something-year-old gays have when it comes to, not only the artistic merits of these accomplished individuals, but also their contributions to gay rights over the years. A simple Google search would reveal the very outspoken support for gay rights by both Nelson and Ono. Apparently, when an older generation of heterosexual music icons lend their voices against bigotry, they are thanked by being referred to as looking like a “redneck crackhead” or an “Oriental woman dancing like she’s having a seizure.”

"Same Love"

“Same Love”

I was especially surprised at some of the nasty references to both Madonna and Mary Lambert, two of the co-performers during “Same Love.” You would never guess that the gay community held these two women in any sort of esteem with gratitude for their support of marriage equality. Mary Lambert’s weight was an easy target for some as was Madonna’s cosmetic surgery and use of a cane due to a recent foot injury.

By the time “Same Love” came and went, any excitement I had for the performance had waned due to the sheer ugliness floating through cyberspace towards many folks who have had the community’s back when very few others did. Some of these individuals have done more for gay rights and AIDS awareness than most of us could ever attempt to do in our lifetime.

Most of the folks slinging these comments would, undoubtedly, claim they were just “joking around” and being “witty.” You know who else said they were “joking around”? The cretins who drove Jamey Rodemeyer and Tyler Clementi to suicide. Remind me how we are any better than them? And, no, the likelihood (or lack, thereof) of these celebrities committing suicide in the wake of cyber-bullying does not give people the proverbial “green light” to eviscerate them via the internet. That line of defense is so weak it would get you laughed off of a 9th grade debate team.

I would also like to point out that a key element in the definition of “witty” is “inventive.” None of the comments that I read last night were even remotely inventive. Instead, most were just cruel and shallow and did nothing but further perpetuate unfortunate stereotypes about the gay community.

The next time we are looking for support from the straight community against anti-gay politicians, bigots, or bullies, we should ask ourselves, “Why would they support us if this is how we show our appreciation?”

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73 responses

28 01 2014
awesomedawnDawn

Beautifully stated!

28 01 2014
pntlezmag

Very well put, its disgusting how the younger generation of gays the world over has no appreciation for the straight allies that for years took it upon themselves to promote, support and give voice to a minority section of the society that they did not belong to themselves but used their celebrity to do what we ourselves couldn’t and wouldn’t allowed to do.

28 01 2014
Bret Wendel

These ignorant attacks were not limited to the younger gays by any means. I saw it from people twice my age, and called every one of them out for it.

29 01 2014
Ryan Carpenter

Agreed. I thought the performance was beautiful. It actually brought tears to my eyes in hopes that one day I can marry my boyfriend of almost 4 years here in Texas. If anything, Older gays are the ones bashing, and I’m not even sure why. They would know the struggle more than anyone, including me, and I’m only 20..

30 01 2014
jason breniser

Thank you for posting this.

28 01 2014
rdu06

Very well said. Shocking, sad, accurate.

28 01 2014
Robert

I guess my circle of family and friends are more respectful of people, or they are just more quietly hateful, as they had only positive things to say about the presenters and performers at this year’s Grammy awards.

29 01 2014
Jennifer Houseal

I completely agree. And Mary Lambert is a member of the LGBTQ community herself, not to mention she co-wrote “Same Love,” which led to a celebration of marriage equality on the Grammy Awards. It was a beautiful, historic moment. So to trash her based on her size is atrocious. I thought that she looked beautiful and that her voice is fantastic. Furthermore, to trash music legends for getting older is reprehensible. It’s way too easy to sit at a screen and type hate-filled messages; it’s much more difficult to become a celebrated, prolific musical artist.

30 01 2014
christina hust

Nicely put….I do not believe the hate coming from people. Ono was a pioneer and philosopher through her music…Nelson may be old but to get up on stage at his age is without question difficult to do, he showed more integrity up on that stage than any hater from the web could ever possess. As for Mary and Madonna…both of them looked and performed better than any non-talented hater could dream of. I am married to a big woman and she is the most beautiful person I know. Madonna has always, always, always supported equal rights whether it was for gays, blacks, the poor, etc..She just supports EQUAL rights for all. So to all the haters, keep hating because it is the only thing you are good at. The young gays of this nation that want to put someone down for being too old or straight, remember one day, YOU will be that old but you won’t get any uglier than you are now. If the straight people do not defend you any longer it isn’t because they do not care but it is because YOU (the young gay haters) will not stand up for you, only put down those who do. Do not bite the hand that helps you wipe the dirt off your face. Karma is a bitch and I hope i am around to see it slap you in the face.

29 01 2014
Bill Murphy

I think you need new friends. They sound like a bunch of what we used to call “tacky queens”. I hope you posted this on Facebook so that the people who need to see it do. Maybe some segments of …..community? have become a little too comfy. ♥

29 01 2014
Jay Daniels

I think you said what I was feeling better than I could have articulated at that moment. Thank you.

29 01 2014
Uwe Brandt

Thanks Madonna and everybody for their great Support.

29 01 2014
pinkydes88

And people wonder why, as a gay man (and drag queen), I have very few gay friends. With their faggotry and vanity they create drama and place themselves on pedestals. And from their perch they judge, lie, and spew out hate and judgment from their botox and restylined lips.

29 01 2014
willwjl

Here, Here!

29 01 2014
Mark

Isn’t there a touch of hypocrisy there? Or are you being ironic? Pot meet kettle.

30 01 2014
Sam

Agreed. Pinkydes88 is just using this thread as a platform to spew more back-handed hate speech.

30 01 2014
pinkydes88

I may be connected to that world and it’s inhabitants but, that does not mean I behave in the same manner. So where is the pot meeting the kettle?

29 01 2014
Alex Maximus Ferbeyre

THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!! YOU ROCK! and I COULDNT AGREE MORE! Hypocrisy is ugly. YOU just made my day. I had to post this link. People need to stop tearing each other down if we are all going to progess. @Bret, I saw the same thing from Many community leaders here in Miami, Calling Lorde “Annoying” and “Haggard” among COUNTLESS nasty comments.

29 01 2014
Chris

BRAVO! Many people that I know were part of the fb bash and I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen without saying something. They were so focused on Madonna’s looks, age, and sound that they completely overlooked the big picture. The performance was about how we all should “strip away the fear” and stand together against hate. Which is what she, along with everyone else on that stage was doing. “STICK WITH LOVE. HATE IS TOO GREAT!

29 01 2014
Zoe'

I agree with your article wholeheartedly. Well put

29 01 2014
John Summers

I didn’t even post anything negative and I feel ashamed. I thought many of the ugly comments that were posted regarding the Grammys, which after having read this article makes me question myself. Why is it that I look for what is wrong (perceived) with someone rather than what is good? At what point in time in my life did my initial knee jerk reaction become so vial? I can’t help but wonder if I haven’t been conditioned to believe that criticism is a sign of intelligence. Well after having read this article, I see all I am is an ass. Thank you for pointing out something that I used to inherently know as a child. I’m going I make a concious effort to look for the good and not the bad in people, and just maybe I’ll be a kid again.

29 01 2014
Tomek

I agree with your article. I think it’s hard to be gay in this society still – and growing up gay breeds a lot of insecurities that gay men carry into adulthood. This translates to this kind of behavior. People who don’t feel good about themselves will talk shit about others to make themselves feel better. Each one of those people leaving nasty comments are really struggling to love and accept themselves still. What they need is a hug. I hope we can all grow beyond these things so that we all can find all the beauty that last Sunday night or the world has to offer. PS I edit negitive people out if my feed. After a few such events – your feed will be clean.

29 01 2014
Jess Clackum (@JessicaClackum)

Excellent commentary, thank you!!!

29 01 2014
troybob

I didn’t catch the physical insults (maybe since my feed is bear-rich), but I was definitely put off by all the complaining about whether latifah is officially out or not, and how the straight supporters are just being opportunistic. I see this kind of ingratitude more and more directed toward our allies, and any day now I expect it to start hitting mainstream coverage of stories like this; I don’t doubt it will cost us supporters.

I pretty much came to the conclusion that aside from the popularity of negative stories over positive on blogs and facebook, it reflects a queer reflex to try to find the injustice in everything. much of the blog stuff I saw was along the lines of ‘I should feel uneasy/troubled by this; let me try to find a reason to be.’. I thought it was a shameful rejection of a beautiful moment.

29 01 2014
mike moorefield

i must admit some of the Madonna comparisons i too had to laugh but now i am ashamed …….i guess we all look for the same ill flaws …or better yet ..” what we think to be flaws”…..she has been ” at bat ” for us a loooooooooooooong time. its the “age thing ” that always waits for us to attack each other when we approach…………that song and ceremony was awesome and overwhelming ….it was “pride tears” and too see straight couples too was inspiring. America is moving fast now with LGBT issues but the WORLD MOVEMENT is alive and well on MOTHER EARTH………….carry on!

29 01 2014
justinbog

bullying and cyberbullying, two horrible actions made by weak-minded people. How does society combat it? By sticking up and saying something about it, and your post does just that. I do wish more could discover a better mindset, a nicer way of treating one another, especially those who are not applauded for being the same, or young, or popular. Being different is wonderful, and there are reasons why if others dig deep enough to discover these reasons (but even a reason isn’t necessary: treat people like you would hope to be treated, at all times—if you fail, then apologize and mean it). I write about bullying and hope for a better world. Loved your post.

29 01 2014
ur007hp

Very well stated! I’ve come to tears a few times over the last week over this stuff. I just can’t understand how people can tear down the people who’ve always been there, always stood up for them…especially the attacks over things like getting older (i.e., the Madonna attacks). I just don’t get why we’re so youth-obsessed that once a person is “older,” everything they’ve done, all of their accomplishments, and every door they helped to open for you suddenly becomes null and void. It makes no sense; it’s so sad.

29 01 2014
Scott Bennett

THANK. YOU. My sentiments, exactly. I will always be thankful for our straight allies, and will always love Madonna. I also thought Lorde was wonderful and very stylish. However, I spent an inordinate amount of time defending the LGBT community on the cesspool of Yahoo!’s comments sections following the Grammys. Pearls before swine, I know, but I do feel it is necessary to stand up to the anonymous internet bullies from time to time and show them we’re not going to take it anymore. Eventually, I get the last word and they go do their trolling somewhere else. Macklemore, Madonna, Queen Latifah – they don’t have to keep standing up for us, but they do. For that, they deserve thanks and recognition.

29 01 2014
d1esel6

so. what about all the people making fun of Pharrell’s hat? did you have a huge problem with that??

29 01 2014
willwjl

if anyone knew it was a vintage Vivianne Westwood. “Buffalo Gals” Hat. I don’t think anyone did.

29 01 2014
d1esel6

…and furthermore, why is this GAYS vs the grammys? as if straight people don’t make fun of celebs as well? I think the author of this post is making some negative out of the grammys when there was so much positive that he/she could have written about? and to pin it all on gays is sort of hypocritical to what the point is supposed to be. “we shouldn’t be mean and point fingers at others, but i’m going to point the finger RIGHT AT the gays of the world… and specifically the young ones”. I don’t like this article. I’m only here because pandora boxx posted it on facebook.
if you guys really like this article though, go to my blog please… d1esel6.wordpress.com

29 01 2014
Wicked Gay Blog (@wickedgayblog)

Bravo Shaun! Bravo! I witnessed first hand in a way that shocked me. I posted an except of your post in my blog, linking back to you. I hope you don’t mind, You put into words EXACTLY how i have been feeling. http://www.wickedgayblog.com/2014/01/the-grammys-brought-out-real-low-moment.html

29 01 2014
gingerfires

Bravo! Bravo! You just gained a new follower! You can thank Pandora Box for posting your article which led me to you.

Gay rights happens because an aspect of everyone from every community gets involved. Often times, it’s those who aren’t gay who shout the loudest giving us our support.

Even though it’s not excusable, I think often times those horrible comments came from people who had no clue who Willie Nelson and Yoko Ono even were… and I must say, the Grammy’s does a very weird job of directing who or what is relevant. You had all of these music collaborations from people who weren’t even nominated or ever collaborated before. It makes you wonder, what is the Grammy’s agenda? To make matters worse, you have all these kids on Facebook and Twitter who have no idea who these legends are so they don’t respect them and then ACT OUT.

Little shade thrown at the YOUNG performers who lip synced, but you’re damed if you’re over 40 and an actual musician!

Thank you for your article. And… Happy New Year!

29 01 2014
Patrick

I am glad that this article points out the hipocrisy in the community. I understand that people are entitled to their opinions, but there is a difference in having an opinion and spewing negativity.

29 01 2014
John H

Beautifully and articulately well written. You dear sir are amazing. It’s unfortunate that not everyone thinks like you. I had tears during this performance. It’s finally nice seeing State after State receive what we here in Canada have had for over a decade. If it weren’t for the Allies and Activists the Mass Wedding would not have been able to take place. This type of degrading cyber trash talk of such a monumental occasion is expected by the Right Wing Republicans, Bible Thumpers and Fox News (not all of those I’ve mentioned) but to come from our own community is completely disrespectful.
My husband and I have been together coming on 17 years now we’ve lived through the AIDS Epidemic. I lost my first partner to AIDS who was an activist and advocate. He would be turning in his grave at all of this.
Thank you for being such a gentleman!

29 01 2014
Sarah Sikes

We (the gay community) have always been our own worst enemy. We pontificate and demand equality from the heterosexual world, yet we parade in the streets wearing ball gowns, and ass-less chaps and thongs. We demand to be treated with dignity but we still attend bars that have backrooms for anonymous bareback sex. Instead of placing our gay families in the front of the parade we instead show the world cross-dressing drag queens, many with criminal records. This is what we want the heterosexual world to see us as. This is what we do to ourselves. People will always hate what they do not understand, but people do understand fully the “worst foot forward” that we show them. Heterosexual women do not let the world define them by “girls gone wild” videos. They do not “own” that stereotype. But we in the gay community are proud to wear dresses and make ridiculous spectacles of ourselves. I’m gay and a moderate democrat and I do not attend gay bars nor do I participate in the pride parades. I am not in the closet. I came out in 1990. I however do not wish to be associated with embarrassing “megaphones” who are the only faces our media will show. We do this to ourselves. You can boo and hiss all you want, but the fact remains, we cause more harm to ourselves than any other group. “Girl did you see Madonna last night? Oh no ma’am. Girl she was tragic.” Nothing is more sexy to me than seeing an extremely flamboyant man snapping his fingers and ripping someone to shreds to make himself feel better. Yes this behavior is exactly what our gay community has become, and it’s the reason so many of us have left it. We no longer feel welcome at the table.

30 01 2014
jonny glen

though i agree with most of your statements, i however do not see an issue with the acceptance of cross dressers or drag queens, they are a quark of our culture, and putting them down would be like excluding transgender people from the lgbtq community.

And though I’m not a fan of back-rooms or bathhouses which we are also known for… in BC where i am, they arnt an issue as people who subscribe to them have a place in a bathhouse and back-rooms have mostly been closed from my understanding… not yet something iv had to endure thankfully, on event nights, i just don’t partake… and in our parades here we do have gay rights families and allies walk in our parades, as well as churches, the mayor, book stores.. even banks… and tho some of the clothing is questionable… i see no difference with a well manicured body wearing a pair of shorts than an Abercrombie ad that all of society would be subjected to, gay str8 bla bla

i don’t subscribe to snapping my fingers or being extremely flamboyant, it seems as though your issue may not be with the people but with the stereotype that all media presents,, im left to wonder what the difference is between shade or shredding quips and this well written obviously well versed view on how the youth or less-mature gays that have yet to find the serenity that wisdom will give them… i don’t intend to be argumentative and we all do have opinions, but was there much of a difference?

the reason i say this, is im now thirty… when i was 19 i would have been someone you and even i today would have hated or at least rolled my eyes at when an entrance was made… but it was part of my journey to get through.. to help me understand myself… with media presenting what gay life should be, such as shows like queer as folk, Designer Guys and will and grace which all had there moments of reality… teaching everyone that social insulting each other was acceptable, or worse appropriate relations, what else would be expected than a bunch of people who believe being “famous” is the most important thing.. not for having a voice.. but a face or a personality unlike any other… leading people to be louder or obscene…. creating the type of people who have the outward appearance of a socially stunted, while still struggling inside to find true acceptance…

this may have just been my experience, but society in the gay world does not appreciate age, weight or even mutual respect… so there is no cross over between the older or wiser crowds as the clubs are aimed towards youth… and beauty.. and bla bla, so all wisdom gained by the generations and story of how hard the battles for rights will not be passed down to the generation that needs it most… its pretty sad actually, that pride has become about party’s not solidifying equality, but who is to blame for this, the youth still finding there footing or the older generations for forgotting to give knowledge and respect down to the people who followed them, i personally have worked in the club industry for over ten years, building floats and parades included… at all sides of that this employment can offer while still keeping my cloths on (again not judging, just would have been disrespectful to the relationship i was in) , however iv chosen to educate myself and those around me about things like monogamy, realistic human behaviour, and that being gay is a part of a persons life.. not the only thing about it, and i feel, that if there were more people like you and me educating people that they don’t have to be a stereotype our community might actually become something worth being a part of, i choose not to judge those who are still mid journey to becoming who they are going to be, but rather try to lead by example, still being a part of the community, but doing it the best way i can by leading a good life willing to go out of my way to guide people in however they need, so they can one day do the same but better… with more freedom and respect… which was the point of the parades in the first place, rather than just becoming passing entertainment, this i try to teach by being a youth leader and outreach personality, this is how i choose to look at such situations… i apoligize for the tangent as a reply to just your post.. as its attached to a few, know i wish you well and hope where ever you are education and respect for ones self and the community grows, we still may only be one person.. but we still matter

29 01 2014
Pandora

You really hit the nail on the head with this article. Very thoughtful and well written. Thank you for writing this!

29 01 2014
michael j box

Thank you verry much. We demand respect but in order to have it we muct be respectful, unless given reasons outherwise.
And youth is not a reason to judge outhers’ older people blazed a trail for you ! Check your history, also yourself!

29 01 2014
Scott

Well said…unfortunately, It’s much easier to be negative and tear someone down than to be positive and lift someone up.

29 01 2014
Fabian Delven

Sadly, this is the reality of our community. We are looking for respect when we can’t give respect. I was bullied being a gay latino, but my willpower was stronger that those who called me fucking faggot once and many time. I stood up for my future and my dignity as a human being. I am Fabian Delven and who I fuck is not of your business. Unfortunately not many of us have the power to do what I did. That’s why we must preach love, love and love. If you hate someone for who they are, you already hating yourself. It is not about religion, not about being Latino, oriental, black or white. ITS ABOUT BEING HUMAN.

29 01 2014
jmoswisdom

I couldn’t agree more! THANK YOU for writing this!

29 01 2014
Fabian Delven

It’s very sad how people judge others, his face is or his hair is. Our humanity is lost and without gps. I remember when I was in school, and a lot of people used to bullied me. I was sad and depress, but that didn’t stop me to see me as a unique and valuable person. I stood up for my rights; I fought my battle with the best weapon, LOVE. They used to called faggot among other things; I just smile and kept walking, not because I was afraid, it was because I knew who I am. It is not about being gay, straight, black, white, Latino or from Antarctica, it’s all about being HUMAN. Hate is a waste of time and energy. We all are the same inside; you don’t have a black heart or a Latino liver, nor white blood. Come on people, why we have to hate each other? What do you gain by hating black? Everyday, black, gays and everybody will continue born. They will continue born everyday. If for each hateful word or action you do, 100 “MINORITY” die, then you at least gain something from this, other wise, you are killing yourself internally. Love yourself and love others. Simple. No math or science involved, just love.

29 01 2014
thornedesign

A great comment on hypocrisy of minority groups. I never understood why a group that gets so much ugliness directed at itself would want to be ugly themselves towards others who have stood up for them. Not a good way to support your support you know lol. Also I never understood the gay fashion writers and there obsession with the bland. I have read numerous articles in the past written by gay men that pretty much hate anything that inventive or creative. They always tend to lean towards the bland and dull. I’m all about the extreme and standing out. These kinds of comments really show up during awards shows. I would much rather see a dress that’s made to look like a swan then another boring black, white, blue etc ball gown. I appreciate a classic yet am more impressed with the bizarre!

29 01 2014
Lisa

You’re a lovely person. Articles like this make me glad that there are folks out there who urge for kindness, and that judging others based on the way they look isn’t a good thing.

29 01 2014
Rod F

Oh, sweet f*ck. This is the WAY of the GAYS; has been, is and will be.
Please don’t act like they just woke up an hour before the Grammy’s and became infected with vitriol and idiocy.
This as well lends itself to making it more difficult for straights, fundamentalists and mainstreamers to see us as normal, productive, caring individuals: because as a class, a culture, a community, we are not.

29 01 2014
EmilioB

My hat off to you. Thank you for your insight and well written essay.

29 01 2014
thatlesbianteacher

It is so very frustrating how true this is. I try and remind my students of this each day. No matter what community we find ourselves among, the worst thing we can do is to turn on another. I am starting a support club at my school called “Unity Link” and I can’t wait to share this post with my students!

29 01 2014
thatlesbianteacher

Reblogged this on That Lesbian Teacher and commented:

29 01 2014
Conrad

Very well written write-up and I couldn’t agree more. People (not just us gays) need to get off their high horse.

30 01 2014
The Gays vs. The Grammys. | Journey of an Alcoholic

[…] The Gays vs. The Grammys.. […]

30 01 2014
the inevitable change

Cheers. This is a thought that has crossed my mind since watching the Grammys. I am an ally, but I was hurt by all of the hate and slander thrown Macklemore’s way.

30 01 2014
colormegay

Reblogged this on Color Me Gay! and commented:
I couldn’t have put it better.

30 01 2014
melliemom (@melliemom11)

Needed to be said and I agree with the author. I will go further and say in my opinion, there is a group within the gay community who won’t even support gay artists,no matter how talented they are, almost seems like jealousy .
If the LGBT folks won’t support their own singers/performers who have trouble enough getting a head in the homophobic world of music,who will?

30 01 2014
Brandon

It’s not even just the younger gays, but the younger generation. They grew up under the wings of when being skinny meant everything, being popular was
More than status quo, and the next best thing is what everyone needed to have. This generation is so backwards, even Helen Keller had a better chance of living a normal life. These teens and young adults are so judgmental, they are unaware what their words really do to people, and the fact they have decency, this world is about to either go down in flames, or hit them like a brick wall and they will be left clueless.

30 01 2014
melliemom (@melliemom11)

This article is a great way to start this needed conversation…

30 01 2014
Larry Guinn

There is always vapid and insipid commentary offered by an audience. They don’t recognize the respect due to the people on stage.
This always happens.
Why so surprised?

30 01 2014
Stuart Colley

Thanks for these fine words. Glad to discover that there is still some intelligence left in our increasingly superficial, bitchy community.
With love xxx

30 01 2014
leona

Lets draw fewer lines in the sand. It isn’t about being gay or straight. It is about equality, love, and acceptance. As a straight person I do not need congratulations for standing up for those descriminated against. I need to live in a world where people are able to thrive no matter theirsex, orientation, race or economic status.

30 01 2014
Nathan Thomas

A great piece of writing. This is a shocking part of the gay community – bringing people down to make self s=feel better. Very sad indeed.

30 01 2014
claudia

First & foremost, thank you for bringing this to light , i had never thought about it, then again, i am not around many young gays any more.
I am a school teacher, middle school. The day after the ceremony, i did not hear one bad comment about the show from my students, i didn’t realize there was much criticism about the performances. My students struggle with other issues though, bullying is a major one. Any how, my point is this, we are all responsible for each other, and this failure to not see pass physical appearances is as much ours as it’s theirs. Every day i struggle with my students, every day i hope that i have done my job of helping them become better beings. If problems like this surface, we all need to take responsibility for them.

31 01 2014
Patrick

Absolutely…..couldn’t have been said better

31 01 2014
Maria

I’m not sure if what you’re describing is a characteristic of the gay community or of internet community, gay or straight. I’m straight, so I obviously can’t talk for the lgbtq community, but I do know that crap gets flung endlessly on twitter, fb, CNN, Youtube, etc. Places without strong moderators encourage posters to take out their personal demons on innocents they’ve never met and know nothing about. There is incredible ignorance and utter lack of empathy by all, gay or straight. Everything is up for grabs–looks, age, sexuality, religion. It’s sad, and it’s near-universal.

31 01 2014
Matthew Kaplan

Just the younger generation? No offense, but I couldn’t disagree more. There are plenty in the “bear” community that bitch and moan about comments regarding their weight and being shamed, then turn around and tell a perfectly average framed or even skinnier guy to “eat a sandwich.” Don’t delude yourselves into thinking youth are the only populous using vanity to shame others.

31 01 2014
jocollinsdancer

Very well written, well done. I think the problem is that these days with many young people, straight, gay, or otherwise, they don’t bother or aren’t educated at all about history in any respect. Be it singers, actors, dancers, there are so many people who say they are artists but have no idea of the vast history of their craft, and therefore have no respect for the people who have paved the way for us all.
This was a really good blog, and I hope lots of people see it and think about their actions.

31 01 2014
Paddle

Its the uneducated (I don’t mean schooled) and the jealous that write small mined B.S over the net. These same people if meeting any celebrity would go on about how much they “love” them, yet the next minute…. But it doesn’t have much to do with age sadly, though yes more young people are naive. Unfortunately less standard “house” rules of common courtesy are being instilled into people anymore or people just don’t care about them anymore?? Its a sad reality we are facing and its shows like the Grammy’s that help this kind of false sense of importance. (Not taking away the great tenant of many artists) But surely there are better things we could celebrate EVERY SINGLE year like those fighting for equal rights etc etc bla bla bla.

31 01 2014
spinnie

The grammy’s was not the place for a wedding straight or not its a music show & not a great one as was evident if anyone watched the whole thing

31 01 2014
Jan Slominski

Very good. I hate hate. I think a lot of barriers have been broken down and it’s so much easier for gay people nowadays. Everyone faces difficulties in their lives but you’re definitely right … We don’t appreciate things that happened before us or the sacrifices others made for themselves and for us. It’s hard to see imagine a world where being gay was illegal if you never experienced it. I also think that a lot of barriers haven’t been broken down, and as young gays we tend to isolate ourselves social groups of acceptance and tolerance, whilst shielding ourselves from those who bullied us at school or criticise us. We don’t have to fight, society’s progressed sufficiently that we can live quietly in tolerant parts of the west so, like most people with choice, we choose to get on with our lives. I understand first hand how growing up gay hardens you, and makes you used to criticism and abuse. But the way to deal with it isn’t by inflicting the same kinds of hurtful comments, that we experienced, on others. This post was brilliant, thanks.

31 01 2014
thewiredtongue

What a great read! Well said. I would immediately remove those bitchy queens from my Facebook with a link to this article. If they have a defensive rent and call you names, then you know you did the right thing by removing that negative energy from your world. If they apologise, their worth giving another chance to! Seriously! How could anyone see that performance for anything other than what it was!

1 02 2014
A Spoonful of Linkage Helps the Blogging Go Down | Music Movie Magic

[…] Topics / Soap BoxesGays vs the Grammys an article articulating the most disturbing social media trend of the past few months – gays […]

1 02 2014
Line Dancer

Some on the younger folks, be they hetero or gay, have gotten a little to superficial celebrating their new found youth, glamor and power and are starting to become critical of the older folks who got them there. I think the new term is that they are just “Going at little Bieber on everyone”.

1 02 2014
Don

I think one of the reasons why so many of the younger generation are the way they are is because we lost a lot of our mentorship skills when an entire generation of gay men died out in the 80’s. I’m part of the first post-epidemic generation, having come of age and come out during the 90’s. I was so busy trying to figure myself out during my 20’s and 30’s that by the time I should have been mentoring the guys who were younger than me I was still trying to figure myself out. So my mentors were few and far between and the guys after me had none. Now it’s customary for young gay men to have to fend for themselves. So why should they honor those who fought for them and have respect for their history? They weren’t taken under anyone’s wings and taught their gay history and given reasons to respect those that worked so hard to get them where they are. The challenge my generation, and those older than us, now have to face is to find ways to do the mentoring that we missed out on. Even if it’s the men in our 40s and 50s making connections with the men in their 30’s and in turn, teaching them to make the connections with the guys in their 20s. We need to stop seeing the 20 somethings as sexual prey and see them as our future. This is already happening in small pockets of big cities but it can become a full on community thing if more people start understanding how important this is.

4 02 2014
denal

Reblogged this on Denal’s Mind and commented:
An Interesting Articles So Good Not To Share

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